Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
