I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Are we still banned from the library?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
