haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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