Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
