Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
