dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
