dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is the high leading the old right now
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
