we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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