Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
