Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
