I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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