What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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