Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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