Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
