We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize