Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize