I think my vagina is haunted
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize