i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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