I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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