this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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