I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
