My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
