I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
