I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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