I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I hate all girls vehemently.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
