my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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