Im at strip club and am horny
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
