While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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