i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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