look no pants
barbara walters just said penis...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
