Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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