i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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