Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
