She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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