A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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