the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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