wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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