Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
