I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
