I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
