i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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