i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
