I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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