Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
