Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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