i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
