your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
