So drunk its hurt
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
