Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
