i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
