I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
