I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
