Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
