You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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