By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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