i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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