I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
