i may or may not be watching the land before time
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
