please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
