Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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