Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
