Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
