420 ftw
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
