My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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