This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
