I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
barbara walters just said penis...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had to cum in my sink.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
