I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
