I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
