her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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