Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
