I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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