there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
