i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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