where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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