Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
