Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
