sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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