ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He passed out mid-signature
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Randomize
