Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
