I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
