Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
