Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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