There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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