She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
